Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
