i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
