How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
