How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
