I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
