He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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