we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
This house was built for laser tag.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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