just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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