i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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