But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
