I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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