My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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