And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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