The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm at about main and main street
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
