you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize