i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
