I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
