YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
