Please, let me fuck your mom
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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