Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
