In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
