You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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