My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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