Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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