shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
