I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
