Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
