just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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