Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
