I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize