You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
