my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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