Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
