I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
