i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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