You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
