I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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