I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize