Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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