Swine flu. Run for my life!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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