That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
