Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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