My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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