Nicole vs. Life
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
