He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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