Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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