I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
only if we run a train.
done.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Randomize
