maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
