Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
