i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize