whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
