Soap is not a condiment
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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