heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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