fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
