so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize