im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
