I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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