I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
