I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
