Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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