I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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