he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
