got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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