He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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