I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
