wat bout pragnant strippers??
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
