So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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