dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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