i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
