Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
