I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
