By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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