pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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