some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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