# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
