I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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