I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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