your parents love me but you hate me
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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